Today was the birthday of one of my bros. I love him very much. That been said I'd like to start.
He is gay. And 24. And if today's raindrops are directly proportional to the number of spermatozoids that he seized in his mouth his whole life I hereby swear never to let him kiss me ever again.
But it was his anniversary. And when you love your family you are duty-bounded to be happy and joyful on this kind of date. And I was! I swear I was. I woke up happy, thinking: today my dear faggot of a best friend turns 24 - insert smiley face here. Being a faggot myself I'm entitled to call him that, if you try I'll hack your nuts and make you gag with them.
So there I was inside my lovely bed, warm and nice when my mother storms in without knocking. "Aren't you late?" she asks. I look at the clock, 11:40. Plenty of time to shower, special lunch with special retards I call my biatchs starts at 13:00. Then she proceeds: "'Cause I want you to drop me at the mall first." And then a plate smashed against a wall inside my brain. She has to be kiddin'... Then I look at her, still dressed on "house clothes". And I slap my face...
13:20, I drop her at the mall. Let me explain. She is a women with middle age crisis. Join those two together and you'll be praying to get PMS back. So 12 different tryouts of rings, 10 scarf's, 2 pants - then she decides for a skirt... with this weather... - , 5 jackets and the whole set of makeup I finally managed to drive her to the mall, that is at 3 minutes distance from our house.
Being already late I called one of my bests - and favorite person in the world - explaining the lateness and telling her I would be there as fast as I could. My mistake. I should've kept my mouth shut! Tried 3 access points to the capital - yeah, I'm the useless moron that lives on the periphery of the big city - all with stopped traffic. No slow motion one. Everything everywhere was stopped. It appeared to me that the 10M, number we call our TOTAL population, were trying to enter the main city by car... and failed.
So I remembered... we have a group of small mountains full of green and prostitutes... with roads in it... that work as short-cuts to enter the city... BANG! Turned the car 180 degrees, crossed a red light and a sidewalk, and began the adventuring through the greens of Monsanto (the hills). I should have waited... Not only did I get lost, also ended up on one of the worst neighborhoods of the city. Let me put it this way... If you ever want to get raped, walk there even in daylight, they are not picky. And the irony of ironies?! The bloody neighborhood was also with heavy traffic.
A pack of cigars later I arrived at my best's door, grabbed her and drove to my brother's neighborhood, searching for a parking spot. The restaurant was in the middle of the city and with traffic like that you better take the subway. Subway that you can enter near my brother house.
So as a good sister I called him explaining the situation. A mutual friend had a garage with a free spot waiting for me. I was 25 meters away... close... closer... then traffic! Stopped traffic! Why?! Because someone died and the fucking ambulance was in the middle of a one-way street. And what did I had behind?! Cars!!! Y-fucking-ay! They were probably double-checking the body to see if it was alive, 'cause in this weather you never know...The time the morons toke to take the body out and drive away was enough for another pack of cigars... IF I HAD THEM!
Anyways. Restaurant. 15:00 and something we finally sited our fats arses at the Japanese. Everyone was hungry. The food was cold... Me not happy. Me like food like a 'gina, boiling and juicy!
The fake Japanese that work there (usually from Brazil or Chinese descendents - yeah I know the fuckin difference you yellowish you, you can't fool me!) were pestering us the whole time, pressuring us to eat faster 'cause they wanted to close. It's your fault we pay X and eat whatever we want! Plus I'm having a really bad day so change that or I'll sit here 'till next day eating your free dog meat food!
My brother liked the present tho. ^^
Rest of the day was nice, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera... 'til time to get home arrived. Mother dear called at 18:00, asking to go pick her at the... yes... mall... 18:00, the hour at which everyone gets out of their jobs... Did I told you that we had 10M crossing the capital today?!
21:00 was the time I finally got home, in a trajectory that I usually make in less than 10 minutes... was she happy?! No, apparently I have the magic power to make traffic move and didn't used it. Or my favorite, I drove slowly on purpose so she could get wet in the rain. 'Cause I love to hear honks and spend gas on useless waiting for 3 hours straight just to get her pissed!
So yeah bro I curse the day you were born! But I still love you very much! Happy birthday once more!!
Time to say by, I need to take a dump since the whole day have been dumping on me.
